[Taryon has tried to sleep and wake up with renewed energy and a sudden burst of wisdom, but his thoughts refused to let him rest for more than two hours, and Taryon is groggy with a lack of sleep in the morning. Did he hear a ping from Astarion during one of his late-night fits, or was it another dream? Did he only imagine that either of them initiated the conversation, relieving him of confronting them.
He opens up his messages and scrolls through bad news following bad news of disappearances, and there it is: Astarion did reach out to him in the night, and Tary really ignored it and hoped that he could stay in bed and never see him again. What is he supposed to say when he feels guilty and angry? Shouldn't Astarion apologize to Johnny?
Gods, Tary has to tell Johnny that he messed up. This is going to be a terrible day.
He pulls up the chat and stares at the blank field for what may be five minutes. Or twenty minutes? Who knows, time is strange when operating on little sleep. And his head hurts--shit, he really did cry a bit.
After an unknown time of deliberation, he writes back.] Why did you say all that?
[It would be a lie to say the lack of response didn't bother him, but he was antsy himself the whole night after. He told himself time and again that Taryon, as a human and not a vampire spawn, needed sleep. He would be asleep. Of course he's not replying.
Astarion had finally managed to drift into a trance in the morning, but when the ping of the message from Taryon came through, he immediately pulls himself out of it.]
[Taryon could avoid Astarion forever, or until they have to work together when they find Ereshkigal. Perhaps then, as per Gilgamesh's theory, she won't register them as a couple and let them be. Would that be worth losing a friend?]
Even if we did more than kiss, why were you angry at Johnny? Can't I have friends?
[How can he answer this? He doesn't think he was out of line for being uoset when he realized who it was, and Johnny had started it when he could have just let Astarion's lie that something wasn't wrong pass.
Though, Astarion also knows if Johnny had he probably would have said something himself eventually.]
Of course you can.
I wasn't mad when I first came in. Maybe wary but a stranger in a familiar space is worth being wary about, is it not?
[Surely everyone thinks like that, and it wasn't due to his years of knowing when he was summoned to a room in the palace and there was a stranger there something bad was going to happen, right?]
But I also don't believe I was that out of line once I realised who he was.
[A longer paused between messages this time, then:]
Was I?
I was going to try not to say anything while he was there, but...
But it's my room. He wasn't in your space. That would have been worrying. I wanted to ask him about his music before you came in. [And ruined everything.
But Johnny could be correct in that Taryon destroyed any chance of a civil conversation long ago.
But in the end, Tary is angry at Astarion.]
Did you really think I was going to leave you for him just like that? That he could show off his guitar skills and his muscles and I'd forget how we went to bed together or how you helped me when I was sick from the rift? That you told me about your past and I was fine with everything? I forgave you for kissing me but I thought that was the end of all of your issues with Johnny.
Why did you have to go and act like I wasn't allowed to do anything with your permission?
[He has been in it fairly often before they became a couple, after all. It was a serving safe space.]
I never said you needed my permission, Taryon. I became jealous, yes, and I should have tried to keep my temper. However, that isn't the same as demanding you to ask if you may have friends over as if you're my whelp.
I also wasn't suspicious of you, I was suspicious ofhis motivations.
It's so easy to have someone wooed away from you. I discovered that not too long ago...
If he tried anything untoward, Doty was there to defend me.
Now Johnny thinks I'm spreading lies behind his back. I didn't think you were going to share what I told you with him. I thought people weren't supposed to share that.
[He hadn't thought about Johnny attacking Taryon, Astarion's fears were purely the possibility of wooing, but at that moment he is glad Tary has his metal companion.]
I shouldn't have. He had just made me so angry.
[He really doesn't want to offer what he is about to offer, it leaves a bitter taste on his tongue, but if he is going to make things right with Taryon.]
I will try and talk to him. It was my misunderstanding, and you were bragging with a friend. My mind, it's bent to assume certain things when it shouldn't.
[Everything seemed to be going so well, but it turns out Astarion isn't suddenly free from all negative thoughts just because they're dating. Anger? At Johnny? Sure, Taryon can be uncomfortable with his sexual comments, but it's nothing he can't manage.
...Should he have warned Astarion that Johnny is a crude man? Another piece of evidence that Taryon could have prevented all of this if he were more forthcoming.]
Alright. Good to know.
I'm not Tav, you know. I may not be aware of what exactly happened, but that's a conversation for later.
[He isn't free of his nastier faults, and as he has this conversation he wonders if he can be. Does someone like him dare to hope for happiness? After all he has done, after everything Cazador has done to break him?]
You're not him, no. And that's good.
[He frowns at the last message. Part of him wants to protest this. Astarion wants to see him, badly. He had apologized, hadn't he?
But he closes his eyes, tells himself to calm down. Don't be so ridiculous.]
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@thepaleelf; text
Finally, rather late at night of the day the terrible debacle with Johnny happened, he finally hits send on the hardest thing he has ever had to say:]
I'm sorry.
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He opens up his messages and scrolls through bad news following bad news of disappearances, and there it is: Astarion did reach out to him in the night, and Tary really ignored it and hoped that he could stay in bed and never see him again. What is he supposed to say when he feels guilty and angry? Shouldn't Astarion apologize to Johnny?
Gods, Tary has to tell Johnny that he messed up. This is going to be a terrible day.
He pulls up the chat and stares at the blank field for what may be five minutes. Or twenty minutes? Who knows, time is strange when operating on little sleep. And his head hurts--shit, he really did cry a bit.
After an unknown time of deliberation, he writes back.] Why did you say all that?
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Astarion had finally managed to drift into a trance in the morning, but when the ping of the message from Taryon came through, he immediately pulls himself out of it.]
Which part?
I'm not being coy. It's just that a lot was said.
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Even if we did more than kiss, why were you angry at Johnny? Can't I have friends?
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Though, Astarion also knows if Johnny had he probably would have said something himself eventually.]
Of course you can.
I wasn't mad when I first came in. Maybe wary but a stranger in a familiar space is worth being wary about, is it not?
[Surely everyone thinks like that, and it wasn't due to his years of knowing when he was summoned to a room in the palace and there was a stranger there something bad was going to happen, right?]
But I also don't believe I was that out of line once I realised who he was.
[A longer paused between messages this time, then:]
Was I?
I was going to try not to say anything while he was there, but...
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But Johnny could be correct in that Taryon destroyed any chance of a civil conversation long ago.
But in the end, Tary is angry at Astarion.]
Did you really think I was going to leave you for him just like that? That he could show off his guitar skills and his muscles and I'd forget how we went to bed together or how you helped me when I was sick from the rift? That you told me about your past and I was fine with everything? I forgave you for kissing me but I thought that was the end of all of your issues with Johnny.
Why did you have to go and act like I wasn't allowed to do anything with your permission?
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[He has been in it fairly often before they became a couple, after all. It was a serving safe space.]
I never said you needed my permission, Taryon. I became jealous, yes, and I should have tried to keep my temper. However, that isn't the same as demanding you to ask if you may have friends over as if you're my whelp.
I also wasn't suspicious of you, I was suspicious ofhis motivations.
It's so easy to have someone wooed away from you. I discovered that not too long ago...
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Now Johnny thinks I'm spreading lies behind his back. I didn't think you were going to share what I told you with him. I thought people weren't supposed to share that.
Is this about Tav?
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I shouldn't have. He had just made me so angry.
[He really doesn't want to offer what he is about to offer, it leaves a bitter taste on his tongue, but if he is going to make things right with Taryon.]
I will try and talk to him. It was my misunderstanding, and you were bragging with a friend. My mind, it's bent to assume certain things when it shouldn't.
Yes. Tav.
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...Should he have warned Astarion that Johnny is a crude man? Another piece of evidence that Taryon could have prevented all of this if he were more forthcoming.]
Alright. Good to know.
I'm not Tav, you know. I may not be aware of what exactly happened, but that's a conversation for later.
I think I need some time alone.
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You're not him, no. And that's good.
[He frowns at the last message. Part of him wants to protest this. Astarion wants to see him, badly. He had apologized, hadn't he?
But he closes his eyes, tells himself to calm down. Don't be so ridiculous.]
All right. I will wait for you.