[Oh, gods, does he truly have another Sebastian on his hands? He chuckles, letting his hand slip from Taryon's head to his neck, resting it there.]
It's true it's not the most cleanly of things, but same can be said of sex overall. [A grin, promising ] But with the right person the pleasure can outweigh that.
That's [Not a question he'd think to ask on a small date night.] ...I think something better to ask a therapist. I mean, nothing wrong with it, but I know a guy on base who's helped with these sort of questions.
...I don't think there's anything wrong with you. A bit irritating at times, but...I think you're doing okay considering your...life.
[Wasn't Astarion the expert on sex, or something?]
I liked what we did earlier, to be honest. It's kind of...fast, to jump to this sort of intensity. [His head shoots up when he realizes something.] Are you afraid it'll be too late if one of us disappears?
[He doesn't know what to say for a moment. It felt like hours before he could say something, and he couldn't even look Astarion in the face as he does.]
You're content to be with me all night...like we were. No sex.
[There's disbelief in his voice. Disbelief, confusion, but also consideration.]
...Yeees? [The turn of his head is slow, his voice uncertain that he's hearing what he thought he heard.] I'm not - I'm not really into having intercourse immediately.
[Of course he knows there are people like that, who don't get wooed into having sex on first blush. But he has to convince those people to give up on that ideal, to join him, come to the palace...
No. He doesn't have to. He doesn't have to do that any more. He isn't trading his body for anything. Taryon only wants him for him.
He leans in, wrapping his arms around Taryon and pressing his face into his shoulder.]
[Taryon startles at the hug - not the response he expected in what he though was the midst of a serious conversation, but it's a good sign. He raises a hand to rest on Astarion's arm.]
...This is also nice. [He's held. He's being held like he's important and that's the greatest intimate act he can imagine on this night.]
[He's worried for a moment he'll be pushed away, but he isn't. Instead he touches him with his warm hand.]
It is. I really do like this.
[Just spending a night with him, like before when they were merely friends. But with a little more to it. More affection, more gentle touches and sweet kisses.
Not feeling like he has to do more.
He has a similar sensation in his chest as the moment Taryon said he wanted to try being with him. With wonder, he says into Taryon's shoulder:]
[Taryon's smile curls like a happy cat's. A weight in his arms, a body holding his as if he were a precious person - it's been years since he felt like this. Men who got physically close, men with whom he had wonderful dates, but now he has a close friend in love with him.]
It feels rather sweet.
[Romantic. A kindness in this ugly and terrifying world.]
...I hope I can keep you [There's a slightest pause.] happy.
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[He tries to find the eroticism in that, but in the moment, he's failing.]
Can we go back to kissing?
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You haven't kissed with tongue before?
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It's true it's not the most cleanly of things, but same can be said of sex overall. [A grin, promising ] But with the right person the pleasure can outweigh that.
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I know, I know. But we don't have to do all of that on our first night. It's about the right person in the right moment, right?
[A quirk of the eyebrow. Please agree that was a clever phrasing.]
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[There's no enthusiasm or true agreement in his voice. He feels...lost?
He sits up, worrying his upper lip for a moment as his gaze focuses on the cracked open window curtains.]
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[Tary also sits up and peers through the window.]
Did you see something?
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I was just wondering. Is there something wrong with me?
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...I don't think there's anything wrong with you. A bit irritating at times, but...I think you're doing okay considering your...life.
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[He gives him a pained look. All that may be true, but that's for him to dwell on later.]
Wasn't this the right moment? [Pause.] I'm not the right man?
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[Wasn't Astarion the expert on sex, or something?]
I liked what we did earlier, to be honest. It's kind of...fast, to jump to this sort of intensity. [His head shoots up when he realizes something.] Are you afraid it'll be too late if one of us disappears?
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...Well, now I am!
[He breathes out, trying to think how to word this without sounding utterly pathetic, but he isn't sure there is a way.]
No one... no one has turned me down. And they were all people I didn't care for.
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[That made things worse. Before he can think about responding to the second part, Taryon reaches for Astarion's hand and grips it tightly.]
I'm not turning you down, I swear. I mean- I like just staying together like this. I don't...I don't feel like doing much else right now.
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You're content to be with me all night...like we were. No sex.
[There's disbelief in his voice. Disbelief, confusion, but also consideration.]
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[A pause. Taryon looks down at his lap.]
I'm not interested in you just for that.
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No. He doesn't have to. He doesn't have to do that any more. He isn't trading his body for anything. Taryon only wants him for him.
He leans in, wrapping his arms around Taryon and pressing his face into his shoulder.]
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...This is also nice. [He's held. He's being held like he's important and that's the greatest intimate act he can imagine on this night.]
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It is. I really do like this.
[Just spending a night with him, like before when they were merely friends. But with a little more to it. More affection, more gentle touches and sweet kisses.
Not feeling like he has to do more.
He has a similar sensation in his chest as the moment Taryon said he wanted to try being with him. With wonder, he says into Taryon's shoulder:]
I feel happy.
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It feels rather sweet.
[Romantic. A kindness in this ugly and terrifying world.]
...I hope I can keep you [There's a slightest pause.] happy.
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[Astarion would like that. Someone to care about him. Someone that would be upset and passionate about saving him if he too was taken by a rift.
He leans back, loathe to leave the hug, but it might get too awkward remaining like that. He nods his head at the bed.]
Let's rest, shall we?